


Dead People Ruin Everything

by ploThief



Category: Danny Phantom
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Ghosts, Some Plot, Sorry Not Sorry, Stupidity, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-05-31 00:36:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6448525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ploThief/pseuds/ploThief
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So maybe he screwed up a little and inadvertently started the zombie apocalypse. That's not going to stop Danny from living life and finding the cure. It would be so much easier though if his other half would stop getting in the away...or trying to eat people.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Highly based off of the tumblr question: "can a ghost and a zombie come from the same person?" So you’re going to see some of the responses to it in here.

_"Vampires get the joy of flying around and living forever, werewolves get the joy of animal spirits. But zombies, they're not rich, or aristocratic, they shuffle around. They're a group phenomenon, they're not very fast, they're quite sickly. So what's the pleasure of being one?"_

-Margaret Atwood 

 

"I leave you alone for TWO MINUTES and you get stuck on a _FENCE_?!"

Of course, the only response is moaning, if it could be call that at all. Phantom ran a hand through his hair before glaring back at his other half. His stupid, idiotic, zombie half. Yeah that's right, zombie. The whole freaking town, the whole freaking planet, was overrun by zombies now- all shuffling around like idiots and moaning like there was no tomorrow. Which was true, they were in the zombie apocalypse for crying out loud. Anyone could dance in their birthday suit while rolling in tar feathers singing nursery rhymes outside without getting a second glance. Well, scratch that, anyone can do that until they get mauled into juicy bits by the friendly locals. Those rotten sacks of meat were phlegmatic as shit, but you should see them running when there's the scent of living in the air.

Another moan came from the stuck zombie, who was reaching out to grab the ghost. Phantom swatted the hand away and frowned at his counterpart. It wasn't like he was scared of getting bit or anything. He got bit and munched on all the time. Apparently, ghost's flesh was the equivalence of chewing gum or mint to zombies. Those suckers loved to swarm him and gnaw on him for hours straight if he let them, even sometimes going as far as trying to nick off a piece of him to suck on afterwards. . If they were lucky, they took as much as they could chew, but thanks to his ghostliness, that was it. It was like they knew swallowing bits of him would not agree with their system, but he'd be lying to say it wasn't extremely aggravating. They were like children smacking you pillows; you laugh at first, but after a while you want to take their pillows and suffocate them. Plus it hurt like a bitch when he wasn't semi-intangible.

"No Fenton, I'm not going to help you get out. You got stuck on your own, so you can get out on your own. I'm done with your stupidity."

His zombie let out a gurgle that would have made Chewbacca proud, before promptly face-planting onto the ground, leaving part of the tattered cloth hanging on the fence. "

Seriously?" The ghost yelled at the flopping corpse. It seemed the guy forgot what arm muscles were for. "That was one of our favorite shirts! Now I got to find yo~ _ **ow**_   you mother fff..."

Phantom none to gently shook off Fenton's teeth from his leg and hoisted him up. If anything, the little jerk was flashing his blood-stained teeth at him. (Somehow triumphantly, if he may add.) The ghost boy floated crisscross in the air, arms folded as the other failed to grab him. "Bad Fenton. Very bad. I am not your hubba-bubba whenever you want. So go find something else to chew on."

The black haired zombie gave a few more swipes before giving up. He stared at the ghost, watching as his counterpart huffed and stuck his nose in the opposite direction, before gurgling a bit and stumbles off to whatever else caught his interest. A few minutes later, Phantom took a peek and rolled his eyes. Of course he had to be stuck with a complete dumbass.

"No stupid, speckling spooks, no. Just...just turn..fuck, don't wander over _there_! You're gonna fall down the.. aaand there he goes..." Phantom could only shake his head as Fenton's body tumbled down the cliff, moaning all the way.

"Moron."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, surprisingly, they don't sell a lot of brains in the local 24-hour grocery store around the corner from my house."
> 
>  
> 
> -Rusty Fisher

 

 

 

"So why can't you guys just eat grains or something?" Phantom asked non-chattily. He knew his counterpart would not give an actual answer, seeing that Fenton was too busy trying to eat him. He went intangible a split second before Fenton ran into him, letting the zombie get a mouthful of the brick wall behind him instead.

"You wouldn't be deadly, but super annoying. Just image you and your buddies dragging yourselves everywhere to break into people's houses to steal their bread and shit. Much better than all this _loafing_ around. Am I right?"

 

Fenton apparently got tired of the conversation (or running into walls- Phantom can never be entirely sure), because with a guttered groan he stumbled to tear through garbage on the other side of the street. The ghost sighed. No one appreciated puns these days. He was seriously tempted to join Fenton in the dumpster diving, but decided against it once he saw the rat-thing-carcass and eyed the scene instead. Empty cars…broken windows…smoke, trash, blood stains and bits of gore everywhere… Looks like it could have been a nice city. Busy, probably overflowing with the Infected, but nice.

 

Oh, who was he kidding- the place looked like it made contact with a rotary motor with half an umbrella wheel. Whatever the hell that means. Stupid sayings, stupid zombie apocalypse. How the heck did this happen in the first place?

 

Phantom grimaced. He knew the answer to that too well…

 

…

 

Okay maybe he didn't, but he can name the month/day/week that the Infection screwed up his life, and vice versa. Technically the whole ordeal started a few weeks ago, but at the time the government was trying to sweep it under the rug and Amity had more pressing matters to deal with- aka the ghost influx. That and the ghosts acting weirder than usual should have been the big clue, but it turns out that becoming a sleep-deprived caffeine addict to catch ghosts makes you an oblivious moron. _"I'm tired of getting eaten by mindless hordes!"_ Alright, whatever. Didn't even need to pull a punch. Wanted to enjoy the world before humanity was annihilated? Tough luck, back in the Ghost Zone you go.

 

Good ole' Sam and Tuck, trying to be nice and let him take a night off. He said no, he KNEW it was a bad idea, but did they listen? Nooo. They just had to corpse carry him from that park bench while he slurred repeatedly that he could take on an army.

 

"An army of teddy bears, maybe." Sam had scoffed. "But even then I would root for the bears."

 

"No, I'd win. Imma big boy." Or something like that he replied. He couldn't remember. He did recall though losing his left shoe somewhere along the way. Whatever he said, Tucker thought it was hilarious.

 

"Big boy? What I wouldn't give for a camera right now. Prime blackmail material!" Oh yeah, Danny definitely remembered trying to kick him. "Sadly I don't have one, so I'll settle with the next best thing. Twenty bucks that we can take care of Amity tonight without you. Sounds good?"

 

Not one to back down, he shouted out a higher deal or something about the Kool-Aid man. Whatever it was he got weird looks from both of them before one of them opened the door to his room and tossed him on the bed. The last thing he remembered was Sam voice.

 

"Really, it's not like we haven't done this before. Get some rest, Danny. The town can survive one day without Danny Phantom."

 

**THE NEXT DAY**

 

"Well, shit." That was all Danny could manage at the sight of a mushroom cloud erupting outside his bedroom window. It was far away, but even inside he could feel the heat. In the distance he could hear a symphony of sirens, panicked voices, and general mayhem all around. Tucker totally owed him fifty bucks.

 

Which naturally meant that he went to Sam's house first before he dealt with all this, for witness purposes and what the heck was going on.

 

And in his hurry he missed that there was something wrong with that swaying guy cornering some lady in a dead-end ally. Oh sure, he stopped to save her by gently blasting the guy into a dumpster (and then got whacked by her purse as a thanks for his efforts before she ran away screaming), but it didn't even cross his mind that half the man's face looked deteriorated and he was growling. Nope, stupid him just flew off. Unsurprisingly the uptown area looked less damaged then the rest of Amity and a lot more deserted. Sam's house looked perfectly unscratched.

 

"Hey Sam, open up! I need to know what's happening and I want those fifty bucks!" There wasn't any answer, but he could see through her bedroom window she was still in bed. That was bit concerning. "I'm coming in Sam."

 

He phased through the window. Nothing looked out of place or wrong; Sam was just groaning and had buried herself in a pile of blankets. Either she got sick or was being grumpy from staying up so late. In normal scenarios Danny would be a good friend and let her rest, but today was not the case. So naturally he turned human and began jumping on her bed.

 

"Come on Sam, wake up. I know you're not an early bird but its fire and brimstone outs **i-!** "

 

There was a white-hot searing pain in his leg, and guess what was the cause? Sam-zombie Sam- biting and tearing his leg almost clean to the bone. It was all screaming and panic after that, with him somehow managing to blast and lock her into her closet. He was able to get a good look at his wound and cauterize it afterwards, but the damage was done. By the time reality sank in about Sam and what was going to happen to him, it was too late. In his last delirious human moments, he prayed that his family and friends wouldn't come looking for him.

 

 

* * *

 

Phantom drew a deep breath and glanced to his present counterpart. It was a surprising relief to wake up and find himself a ghost and not a brain eating monster (or worse- a combo of the two), and even more surprising to be attacked by said brain eating monster-self moments later. The first days of his new life consisted of him destroying zombies and trying to get survivors to safety while his zombie self-remained tied up, gagged, and locked inside Sam's bathroom. Those first days were hell; he saw families and friends turn on each other. People he knew or recognized got infected, eaten alive, gunned down, blown to shreds or died from other grimly fates. Some survivors couldn't handle it and took their own lives when they had a chance. Others sacrificed themselves to give someone else a chance. That's how his parents died, saving Jazz.

 

_While you were asleep we went to the mall. They came in waves._

 

His family fought at first, but in the end then they were overwhelmed.

 

_Mom and Dad kissed me goodbye. "Take care of Danny and stick together. We love you both so much. Stay safe. Now go on, let the adults handle these creeps!"_

 

Jazz is safe in the Ghost Zone now. He told her what happened and what he was planning to do. She argued of course, she had smart reasons and his plan was on the pothole side of stupid street, but he be damned if he let her stay with him in this hell-fucked place.

 

_"You better come back here no matter what." She warned him before stepping into the Specter Speeder. "Or so help me I will come here to bring you back myself. Even if it means searching the whole globe for you!"_

 

He destroyed the portal after that, and the one in Vlad's old mansion. But that was years ago. A lot of nothings and somethings have happened since then. He's been around the whole world and back, and everything is pretty much the same. While he still likes wandering the states though, Amity will always remain his favorite little hellhole. Personal sentiment and all that, plus he would miss home. Phantom gave himself a small smile. About time he visited there too.

 

"Come on, Fenton. Let's take a little trip to Amity!" He went semitransparent and held out his arm. Immediately Fenton latched on to it with his teeth. When the gnawing was deep and snug, Phantom shot up into the sky. "There's someone there I want us to see, and he still owes me fifty bucks."


End file.
